Crime doesn't pay -- but it can be absolutely hilarious. Getting away with the perfect crime might seem like an accomplishment, but more often than not, attempting to rob, assault or otherwise engage in felonious activity will put a stain on your rap sheet forever. But if you're really lucky, you'll botch the crime so badly that people everywhere will read about your attempt and think, "Wow, what a stupid criminal." Here are 11 of the most glorious criminal failures of the last few years. Vote for the stupidest !
1. Markedly Bad Disguise
What these two Tennessee would-be robbers taught us by trying to "disguise" themselves by covering their face in black magic marker is that there is never, ever a good reason to apply black anything to a white face.
2. See Below
A fancy dress party in one of Dublin's best known gay bars took a sinister turn when a woman attacked her ex-girlfriend Adrienne Martin in a row over a dress-up sumo wrestler's suit.
After a year of acrimony following their bad break up, Sandra Talbot (32) assaulted Martin with a bottle hidden under her costume in a fit of rage at the George pub.
3. Amish Buggy Chase
In a scene that sounds like more like a Monty Python sketch than an actual news item, an Amish teen led a low-speed police chase on his horse and buggy.
4. Police Help
5. Double Vision
If you're anything like a woman in Sweden arrested for drunk driving, you may think you can get out of the case by covering up one eye to avoid double vision, as she claimed in court. Unfortunately, it won't work (neither the method nor the excuse)
6. Take Your Child To Jail Day
There's a reason that billboards don't say, "Drink. Drive. Go To Jail. Next time, get your 10-year-old son to drive instead." But one Tennessee man found out the hard way that it might not be a great idea after the car crashed (everyone is fine)
7. Ballsy Check
You gotta hand it to a Dallas man who tried to cash a fake check for $360 billion. Why not?
When a 14-year-old Tampa Bay boy dialed the wrong number, he quickly apologized, then offered to sell the person on the other end of the line some drugs. Unfortunately for him, that other person was a cop. As Maeby Bluth might say, "That was a freebie."
9. Now That's Commitment To Porn
A Colorado man went to a video store and claimed that as a part of the "age verification unit" of the local police department, it was his duty to confiscate DVDs of pornography to ensure that all the actresses (and actors, presumably) were over 18. As foolproof as this plan was, he was arrested by the cops deployed from the Creepster Verification Unit. Apparently he had never even heard of the Internet.
Since when was it a crime to try to resuscitate a long-dead armadillo on the road? Who knows, but a drunk Pittsburgh man who tried was arrested anyway.
